What's My Motivation?

A day with no errands and no place to be is a mirage.  It appears, from the distance, to be the perfect spot equipped with all of the trappings needed for peace and perspective.  Upon arrival, it is what it is - a blank computer screen and "all the time in the world," which to a writer who is presently blocked is not a vacation destination but rather a lesson in self-brutality.  I am kicking myself for all those times that I whined to people, claiming that if I had more time, less interruptions, etc. I would be the WRITER I wanted to be.  I blamed the distractions, blamed the hurried schedule, blamed so many things.  But today, I am left with a clean slate and my own self-discipline.  I could make you a list of all the things I would like to start in order to avoid writing, but that would be writing... sigh.

So what motivates me today?  I will write, no matter what, and I will work on my other projects no matter what in honor of the girl I used to be, the one who claimed she never had time.

I am my own boss these days, and as my own boss, I need to crack down on my employee.  She is willful and lacks direction.  She needs to finish this blog and then plant her sweat pant-clad ass in front of the screen until something comes out of her brain and filters down into her fingers, types itself, and breathes on its own.

Man, my boss is so bossy.  Off to write and begin an inventory of the items we will be selling as a family on eBay, as well as read one of my many books on how to motivate oneself.  I know I am leaving out the fact that I am also motivated by my children, by my dreams, by the support of those who love me and the awesome arms of the Creative Intelligence who planted these seeds in the first place, but some days... some days it's just as simple as admitting that I don't want to do anything except pull the blanket back over my head and wait for the snow outside to melt.  Because then I will write, right?  There is no time but now, and excuses are just fancy things to say when it is too painful to admit that I am either scared or lazy.