Lost and Found and Lost and Found and Lost and Found...

I snickered in my head at the following notion, suggested by the awesome Sandra=Acupuncturist Extraordinaire (this is not an ad, but I will fork out her info upon request).  I will explain the internal giggling momentarily.

"Do not think of losing weight or trying to lose negative images, thoughts.  Loss implies that you have a void, that you need to search for something.  If you lose something, it means you will seek it, try to find it.  Replace "lose" with "release,"  she said, well, in approximately those words as I did not record her and was relaxed on a heated massage table with needles all over my legs, arms and face.  These things make for slightly inaccurate quoting, but you get the basic idea.

If you have seen "Dinner for Schmucks" with Steve Carell, you understand one of the reasons why the phrase "I release you" is funny.  If not, proceed to the next paragraph, but rent it sometime soon.

I laughed also because I thought of the concept release in terms of prison or being released from, say, an alcohol treatment center.  I instantly had visions of my unwanted pounds and negative thoughts running away from me, happy to be "released," glad to be free of the bars and confines of me.  In that case, I wish them the best of luck, and off they go.

"Released" additionally conjures up images of a wildlife vet show releasing healed animals back into their natural habitats. I release you into the wild!  Run free, extra 30 pounds!  Be free range, romp on the hillsides and return to your natural state.

All of these, of course, are my mind's way of avoiding the facts.  The facts are that in the past when I have tried to lose something, it has always come back.  You know the old saying, if it returns, it was yours, if not, it never was... I would like to express to the 30 pounds that I lose and gain and lose and gain that yes, I am aware that they are mine.  Same with negative thoughts.  Yep, I know I birthed you and raised and nurtured you like you were a pet, revisited you and made sure you had enough food/fuel.  In other words, I GET IT, extra crap that I don't need... I get that you like hanging out with me because I am, in a weird way, your mommy.  I held onto you, rocked you, needed you to be whole.

Now, we are going to try something new.  I am no longer enabling any freeloaders, whether I created them or not.  So, with the exception of my actual children whom I love unconditionally and plan to keep around among a few other good creations (relationships, hobbies, etc), I now am ready to be done with the things I have formed and created and nurtured that are no longer working.

So hey, excess baggage, ghosts of dieting past, REGRET, and repeating cycles of perfection and destruction?  I am not working on losing you.  You are not lost, needing to be found.  You are free, you are no longer necessary.  You are dismissed.  I release you.