If you can find a central theme to today's post, you win a prize.

This isn't really the best thing I have written lately, but for some reason I needed to break the ice.  The last time I posted, I was coping with the death of a friend.  I was encouraged to share this post here, as it was not deemed appropriate for another avenue.

To preface, I don't drink for reasons I am not going to get into, and have not for quite some time.  And my ego is recovering from a series of, well, unfortunate events from which I have emerged skeptical about my decision-making skills.  It was recently pointed out to me that my decisions were not really to blame, but that sometimes things just don't freaking work out the way you thought they would.  Blame it on the rain, blame it on Milli Vanilli, blame it on drinking, blame it on sobriety, on genealogy or biology or Miley Cyrus.  But after the blaming is said and done, you still have to do something about the stupid thing you were avoiding looking at in the first place.

So now, I come to you from a better, more confident place, and I am here to warn you:  My writing has, up until this point, been punctuated with vagueness.  I was trying to work through something, folks, but it's over now and you will be subjected to the leftover slough-off of a few years of uncertainty.

Translation?  I thought I had some stuff figured out.  I turned out to be wrong, but in finding out how wrong I was, I learned some things that have lit up my life like a mall Christmas tree.  So, thanks to something going remarkably badly, I have this amazing clean slate.  I will now be writing without holding back, for any reason.
I don't know what the hell that is going to look like, so I can't really properly warn you.

First, read the article listed at the end of this rant.  Laugh.  You will, whether you are a drinker or not, whether you are pissy about something today or not.  Realize that in the end, I promise, we are all making mistakes at about the same rate of a bunch per day, drinking or not.

Cracking up. In defense of it all, here's a note about #6.( "How are you doing this right now sober?" ) To those who have said this to me, I will say that you may have been 100% valid at the moment, as I have done some things sober that a drunk person would not even do. So, to round it all out, just because I don't drink doesn't mean I haven't been a spectacular mess at times, making people wonder, well, if she's not drunk, is she just, what, an idiot? But in my defense, I was occasionally an idiot when I was drunk. I also had flashes of brilliance when drinking, but they were just too damned unpredictable. I make mistakes without drinking; the trick is I remember them all, which has it's pros and cons. I love you, whether you drink or not. And if you have met me, you already know that lack of alcohol in my life has not made me any less fun, nor any less human, nor at times any less of an ass.

http://www.esquire.com/blogs/food-for-men/things-not-to-say-to-a-sober-person?src=soc_fcbks

Watching Your Friends Post To Your Wall: Motivation to Make an Impact

I am in the middle of putting the finishing touches on a script tonight, and I was in a creative and productive mood.  I wanted to reach out to a friend who has extensive radio background and ask him for his advice on getting some added radio/talk-show publicity for our upcoming show, since I was altogether unsuccessful in getting it accomplished for our current show through the venues we were targeting, but I am wearing them down.  I also wanted to tell him how exciting it was to be working in a few fields that I used to talk to him about, and just happened to be listening to a CD he made me about ten years ago.  He was a friend who shared common musical interests, and we enjoyed talking about radio and other things but had not done so in awhile.  I was excited to hear his view on things.

I got to his Facebook, and after reading a few messages, figured out why I hadn't seen his name on my news feed in quite some time.  He's gone, died in late 2012.  People were posting videos on his Facebook, wishing him a happy birthday, "to where you may be now," and posting pictures, etc.  I realized this had been going on for over a year and a half.  I had moved at about that time, so I realized that during my move when I wasn't checking my Facebook, I didn't see that he had died, and at this point in our lives we really didn't have very many mutual friends, so it wasn't a huge shock that no one had let me know, as either they didn't realize I knew him, or they figured I had heard it somewhere.

There is no death notification on Facebook, nor does the application realize that although you have not posted to someone's wall in awhile, it doesn't mean that they didn't mean something to you at one point in your life, and still do.

So here's to you, Paul, and the post I would have sent you, alerting you to an excited message in your inbox where I would have told you that I am finally, after all, an actual writer, and that I work with music and art and food and theater every day.  I would have asked you your advice from your many years in radio and music, and would have giggled to you that the kids and I still listen to mix CDs you compiled for me.  I would have thanked you again for being a friend to me during a confusing segment of my life, and for caring enough to talk to me about the things I cared about.  I would have thanked you for, once upon a time, teasing me about calling myself a writer when I was too scared to send anything in.  I would have apologized for not keeping in touch.

What's odd is that you were only part of my life for a short time, but there is something so striking about you being gone and seeing the outpouring of love and friendship that continues on your page.

This makes me want to make decisions and do things that have a positive impact on people.  It reminds me that achievements mean nothing in the face of the memories we make with people we care about, the little things... all those sappy things I used to discount.  Shared songs, laughs, pictures.  The things we take totally and utterly for granted.

Here's to today's motivator;  the reminder that no matter how cool and creative and smart and kind someone is, they will not be here forever, and neither will you.  Never forget that we need to do as much as we can while we are here, touch as many people as we can, and laugh as much as possible.  RIP, PJY, and it's moving to see that even though you died in 2012, your friends still talk to you on your Facebook on a regular basis, making sure you know the songs they heard that remind them of you, and the stories they tell... the essence of art and the true reason for any of this storytelling and creating - the memory of single moments in time, encasing details in tunes and lines and movement like small shrines, making a person's life and smile and acts easily remembered for years to come.  You were a sweetheart, and you are missed.  Broadcasting on a differently frequency indeed.

The DONE List

When you work from home, you strike when the iron is hot.  You do as much as you can with the energy you have, no matter when it arrives.  You don't question it, you just MOVE.

I have done the following this weekend, and wanted to list this for two reasons.

1) As a mom who works or a worker who is a mom or a person who is a parent, we are NEVER EVER "DONE."  So at times, it's fun to look at what we DID, not what we DIDN'T DO.  The list of what we "could do" is ridiculously long and guilt-inspiring.  I like the DID lists better than my TO-DO lists, always.

2) Those who do not have kids are also never "done."  I am not going to say that they cannot understand being busy as well as a parent, because it's just not true.  I know a few busy people who don't have kids who make my schedule look like a day camp flier.  Many of them also could stand a few more moments of focusing on what they got done, not what they still have to do.

I have done or accomplished or stumbled through the following, and the weekend's not over yet:

-washed all the bedding from all three bedrooms
-done the dishes a few times
-talked someone through a really rough time (not say who or why 'cause that's not how I roll)
-updated a whole schload of social media-type stuff
-waded through my magazine collection on the hunt for something specific - didn't find it but pared the pile down considerably
-wrote five articles.
-edited five articles
-wrote and sent two proposals
-learned a bunch of stuff
-figured out that a Pyrex lid will dislodge from the bottom shelf of my dishwasher.
-helped out on an awesome project - got to write part of a co-creation art piece, and rewrite/edit it and walk through the process of rewriting and watching people rehearse parts of it=magic.
-took one nap
-spent LARGE part of the weekend doing absolutely nothing and loved it - no work, just hang-time with the kiddos
-made Spongebob Mac and Cheese.
-prayed
-had an immensely difficult conversation with someone I love, then another one, then another.  (again, not telling)
-braided a Barbie doll's hair
-LAUNDRY LAUNDRY LAUNDRY
-Found my copy of "Beasts of the Southern Wild."  Intended on watching it.  Fell asleep with Neil Gaiman book instead.
-Learned more things.
-Ordered pizza.
-organized part of my home office-area
-cleaned out fridge
-sorted recycling
-cried
-laughed until I snorted.
-took things to storage
-increased my online visibility and organic SEO growth by.... just kidding.  I don't know.
-Updated two of my three blogs (yes, counting what I am doing right now.)
-Made this list.
-Checked the time and my pulse.

I have included a lovely picture of my newly, altered Pyrex lid for your viewing pleasure.  It is not a FAIL.  It is a lesson.  I didn't know it was too light to stay down, and there is now a hole in it.  Therefore, I will not be putting lids on the bottom shelf again.  If only all life lessons were this easily learned.

If you put something in the wrong place - a lid, your energy, your priorities - they will get burned through and destroyed.  On the same hand if you find yourself in perpetual motion but it feels great and is not harming you or someone else, keep going.  Besides, the days of doing nothing are not as fun to write about.  

Toilet Paper OR Advanced Budget Strategies for Ego Dilution

Yes, from first glance, it looks like just an ordinary package of off-brand toilet paper.

What it really is will astonish and amaze you!!!  Okay, not really, but it's important.

I have always been a shopper of the stock-piling variety.  I take my coupons, look for deals, drive around (as much as my gas budget allows) and find the best stores, and then I pounce.  I purchase as much of an item as I can afford AND can store.  This means I am a lover of the economy-size, twelve SUPER MEGA paper towel rolls, the six-pack of deodorant, the half-gallon tube of toothpaste.

I have had to change my ways in the last six months, and the toilet paper above was one of my teachers.  My motivational streak over the past two years has spawned four businesses, three of which are still alive and kicking.  (If you are a child of the 80's, I say "alive and kicking," and you start singing the song in your head.  It's okay . . . I am still hearing it too.)  So, I am the proud Mama bear of two beautiful children AND their siblings, three new baby businesses.

NOTE:  My legal team would like me to clarify that by "baby business," I mean a business in its infancy, it's early days, it's "born from conception and growing" phase.... NOT a business that sells baby items, or God forbid, a business that sells babies.  That would be horrid and wrong.  These are small, new businesses.  We sell no living things.  END OF LEGAL DISCLAIMER.

As the mother and founder of all these young things, I have a budget that won't even fit into a spreadsheet.  I have sources of income, outgoing expenses, and of course the things my actual children need which take presidence over ANYTHING needed for the businesses.

So this month, the ROOF OVER OUR HEADS bill was paid.  The FOOD IN KITCHEN is well taken care-of.  The GAS IN CAR and KIDS' SCHOOL STUFF items were checked off.  Other bills were paid or dealt with in some manner or fashion.  Contracts were set up with writing clients, commissions checks are in the mail... everything was buttoned down and functioning nicely at a slick little clip.

Then one day we noticed we were out of toilet paper.

A note about my house:  there is always something in one of the various nooks and crannies, so we never seem to run out of ANYTHING.  Ever.  You can ask me for anything from self-tanner to scotch tape to safety pins to a hemp backpack from Lollapalooza 92, and I probably have more than one tucked away somewhere.  So, again, we are never OUT of anything.  Not really.

We launched upon a search of the Indiana Jones variety, flashlights and all, searching every cupboard, every closet.  No item of the TP kind could be located.

Kleenex and baby wipes and facial wipes - (oh my) - were located.  Plumbing issues were discussed after I discovered with horror that we were essentially stuck in a house during dangerously cold conditions with a car that didn't like the below zero temps.  We were stuck with sub-par options for bathroom mathematics.

I did not panic.  But I was not going to ask our neighbors for TP.  I just couldn't do it.  The Kleenex worked, the baby wipes worked, and my children shook their heads at their mother, half making fun of me, half disappointed that my hoarder ways didn't pay off this time.

I went to buy toilet paper the next day only to discover that our automatic bills had come out BUT the payments had not yet come in, meaning that the only money I had to my name for the day was the change in my purse.  You can buy one roll of TP, by the way.

The next day, I had a small amount that came in for something/a sale that went through, but still no other commissions, so we purchased the fine beauty you see above - a FOUR PACK!!!  With a coupon by the way, and with my CVS card discount.

Why am I telling you all of this?  Because for some reason in this world of expectations, I felt more shame about this whole process than needed.  I also wanted to tell you this story because this is a story I wasn't going to tell anyone.  Hence, it must be important.

The moral of the story:  If you find yourself focusing on that ONE THING that you can't do the exact way you wish, like driving the car with the duct-taped bumper for now with dreams of a whole bumper someday, or living on a shoestring budget because your priorities are paid and you are building something important with every spare dime, I feel you.  I do.  I relate, and I totally understand how much you wish you could spring for Netflix or get the Super Sized meal.

Keep your eyes on the prize, and focus on the little successes.  I have HUGE dreams and goals for myself and my children, for our family.  HUGE.  But those dreams will be built on a foundation of stability.  A foundation of stability comes from daily right choices and an extensive use of the word "no."  The pieces of that foundation are little things that become habits over time.  And one of those habits is throwing your pride to the wayside like flipping your hair at a date to flirt, and understanding that your kids will totally survive on the off-brand toilet paper, and one roll, just for today, will do just fine.