The other day my acupuncturist told me the same thing that I once heard from someone who taught me how to pray. If you focus on healing, healing will come.
I am in the middle of a process, and when you are in the middle of something, you often can no longer see the end point any better than you can see the point from which you began.
I am attempting to trick my arthritis and fibromyalgia into reversing by changing my diet, my exercise limits and my thought patterns. I know the plan and I know what I need to be doing.
So today, arthritis, I say to you that I am not thwarted in any way by your attempt to totally lock up all of my joints tonight in a manner that has rendered me chair-bound for the majority of the evening. I instead say to you, arthritis, that I was able to spend a relaxing evening with my children and ignored your attempt to raise my body temperature by setting my joints on fire. I am able to write using minimal movement and am forgiving myself for not completing some of the other projects I wanted to finish because they required a lot of moving around. I will not yield.
And hey, fibromyalgia, your attempt to cause pain and headaches was noted and discarded. I still was able to laugh and think and write and wander around the internet despite your attempts to distract me. I am not interested in what you have to say.
Last, I speak to the thought processes that accompany chronic pain. I just want you to know, dear negative thoughts, that your complaints have been weighed, measured, and found wanting. I think I may go ahead and be grateful, excited for things to come, and enchanted by the healing that has taken place in my life thus far, no matter what you have to say about the matter.
When mind, body, and spirit are focused on healing and staying strong, chronic pain and ego lose in the end. When I am motivated to move and rest and breathe through the pain, there is a calm and a quiet and a motivation to stay positive that cannot be bottled, cannot be bought, and can't be tested by the FDA.
As for the doctor who cautioned me once about how careful I would have to be with my body in order to have a "normal life," I would be happy to tell you that my chiropractor, acupuncturist, and the God of my vast misunderstanding are working miracles in my body and my life.
So here I sit, drinking my tenth glass of water for the day, meditating on a Bible verse and occasionally humming a Yeah Yeah Yeahs song about being a warrior, swollen joints, upset stomach, and back muscles on fire... still happy as a clam, sitting here learning how to Be Still.
It's a process, not a processional.
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